fine romance, with no kisses
fine romance, my friend this is
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes
fine romance, you won't nestle
fine romance, you won't wrestle
I might as well play bridge
With my old maid aunt
I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance

[Guy]

fine romance, with no kisses
fine romance, my friend this is
We two should be like clams in a dish of chowder
But we just fizz like parts of a Seidlitz powder (*)
Yes, a fine romance, with no glitches
fine romance, with no [bad word] You're just as hard to land as the 'Isle de France'
I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance

[Girl]

fine romance, my good fellow
You take romance, and I'll take jello
You're calmer than the seals
In the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins
To express emotion
fine romance with no quarrels
With no insults and all morals
I've never mussed the crease
In your blue serge pants
I never get the chance
This is a fine romance

[Guy]

Yes, a fine romance, my dear, duchess
Two old fogeys, who need [bad word] True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has
But we don't have the thrills that the march of time has, ba-ba-da-day
fine romance, my good woman
My strong, age in the wood, woman
You never give the orchids I sent a glance
No, you like cactus plants, ha ha
This is a fine romance

fine romance, my dear duchess
Two old fogeys, who need [bad word]  [bad word] love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has
You know Louis, we don't have half the thrills that the march of time has,

You telling me; fine romance, my very good woman
My strong, aged in the wood, woman
You never give the orchids I sent a glance

No I prefer Cactus plants

[together]
This is a fine romance!