No sweet and pure angelic lass for me
That kinda gal can spin a web, you'll see
She trades on wholesome innocence galore
But it's my independence that she's trading for

The only affirmative she will file
Refers to marching down the aisle
No golden, glorious, gleaming pristine goddess, no sir
For no Diana do I play faun, I can tell you that right now

I snarl, I hiss
How can ignorance [bad word] with bliss?
I spark, I fizz
for the lady who knows what time it is
I cheer, and I rave
for the virtue I'm too late to save
The sadder but wiser girl for me

No bright-eyed, blushing, breathless baby doll baby
No sir, that kinda child ties knots no sailor ever knew

I prefer to take a chance on a more adult romance
No dewy young miss who keeps resisting
All the time she keeps insisting
No wide-eyed, wholesome, innocent female
Why, she's the fisherman, I'm the fish, you'll see

I flinch, I shy
when the lass with the delicate air goes by
I smile, I grin
when the gal with a touch of sin walks in
I hope and I pray
for Hester to win just one more "A"
The sadder but wiser girl for me

No giggling ice cream soda drinker
Out to hook you line and sinker
No honey throated beckoning siren
I plug my ears and I grab my oars and I flee

I jeer, I boo
at the Puritan-hearted ingénue
I yearn, I long
for the woman who's Pop says, "What went wrong?"

I root and I clap
for the dame in the gown-less evening strap
The sadder but wiser girl's the girl for me
The sadder but wiser girl for me