All rise [bad word] to order
Bailiff start the video recorder
You've been sworn, what's [bad word] 
Speak up son, don't hesitate!
He presided in his courtroom so long ago
He was hanging cowboys for stealing buffalo
Court is adjourned, for his honor's feeling ill
The shaking old relic needs a glycerin pill! 

Hang up your rope 'cause you're looking tired
If it was up to me they'd all be fired 
Day after day convicting all those liars
This ain't TV jail
It's TV [bad word]  

Believe it or not
Those walking blood clots 
Make enough money for a thousand foot yacht
Who in Hollywood
Did they every acquit?
Just senile, judicial idiots
As the drama unfolds
And the law he upholds
If you look real close
You could see him growing mold
Small claims messiah
Is only a pariah to be ridiculed...
Objection [bad word]  

All rise as he takes the bench
To hear his old voice make my
gut wrench Silence to those who are in his court
I'm found guilty by his report
No washed-up judge can say to me
The [bad word] he throws arround when he's on TV
What can he [bad word] do, throw me in jail?
I'd slap out his dentures, post them for bail! 

Hang up your robe 'cause you're looking tired
If it was up to me they'd all be fired
Day after day convicting all those liars
This ain't TV jail, it's TV [bad word]  

You lose the case
To a bigger [bad word] they you today
When [bad word] to the end
You tell all of TV land what you've got to say
When you're dead and gone
Will they get another fossil to carry on?
They must go to school
To hand-pick these old fools
I say to you
Objection [bad word] 
It's all Perry Mason's fault!
Cat strangling