Just tell me if it's real!

Times of confusion that i can't define
Bring my belief in knowledge
To [bad word] a better lie
I sick perfection in every move i make
My spiritual vision is drowning
More and more, every single day

Take the years of pain away from me
The dreams i dread will set me free
Still i can't find my peace of mind
The lost prospects i shall obey

Life refuses to, freedom penetrates
Into ages of loneliness
Time will never heal
Words can't ease the pain
It's the age of loneliness

I want to doubt just every step i ever take
Sometimes i see the [bad word] color of faith
But why is it always fake?
Delightful desperation is taking control
No one can help me now
No one can save my soul

I wonder if this fear is real
The expectation for the end is always near
Beneath the surface of my cries
There is an everlasting will to stay alive

After my efforts to accept the pain
I dig inside my soul
To find a place for staying sane
The price i pay for life is still too high
Beyond my deepest expectations i hide