[I: If [bad word] 

If [bad word]  let [bad word]  [bad word] 
Just hope that [bad word] back
If she breaks let her break, break, break
Let apologies attract

And is she's free let her be, let her be
She's not in such [bad word] 
The big man's still got her name written on the wall

If she cries let her cry, cry, cry
'Till there isn't anymore
If she cracks, let her crack, crack, crack
If that's what che's looking for

And if she waits, let her wait, wait, wait
You'll have to leave this one to fate
It can't ever be too late, when [bad word] to call

It's Hard -- Living with such uncertainty
It's Hard -- climbing the statue of liberty
It's Hard -- calming the beatle inside of me
It's Hard -- missing my max and melody

[II: You Never Give Me Your Money]

You never give me your money
You only give me your funny paper
and in the middle of negotiations
you break down

I never give you my number
I only give you my situation
and in the middle of investigation
I break down

Out of college, money spent
See no future, pay no rent
All the money's gone, nowhere to go
Any jobber got the sack
Monday morning, turning back
Yellow lorry slow, nowhere to go
But oh, that magic feeling, nowhere to go
Oh, that magic feeling
Nowhere to go

One sweet dream
Pick up the bags and get in the limousine
Soon we'll be away from here
Step on the gas and wipe that tear away
One sweet dream came [bad word] today
Came [bad word] today
Came [bad word] today (yes it did)

One two three four five six seven,
All good children go to Heaven
(repeat ad lib)

[III: Mr. Wonderful]

Her lips [bad word] red
She had a pretty head
Not even once did she miss Sunday school
Remember what mama said, "Stick to [bad word] quot;

This boy was something else
Someone she knew so well
Echoes of snakes in paradise
Saw the strangest fire burning in his eyes.

His name was wonderful
And it's wonderful, just to be near him
His name was majesty
And his majesty's requesting your presence

He took her for a ride
Into the starless night
Talked about far away place he's been
Could take her down to the city of sin

"Grab it while you are young
 [bad word] me there's nothing wrong
But she feard what was 'round the bend"
Said "thank you, but no thank's, 'cause I've got a friend"

His name was wonderful
And it's wonderful, just to be near him
His name was majesty
And his majesty's requesting your presence

[IV: Mean Mr. Mustard]

Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper
Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose
Such a mean old man
Such a mean old man

His sister Pam works in a shop
She never stops, she's a go-getter
Takes him out to look at the queen
Only place that he's ever been
Always shouts out something obscene
Such a dirty old man
Dirty old man

[V: Polythene Pam]

Well you should see Polythene Pam
She's so good-looking but she looks like a man
Well you should see her in drag dressed in her polythene bag
Yes you should see Polythene Pam.
Yeah yeah yeah

Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt
She's killer-diller when she's dressed to the hilt
She's the kind of a girl that makes the "News of the World"
Yes you could say she was attractively built.
Yeah yeah yeah.

[VI: She Came in Through the Bathroom Window]

She came in through the bathroom window
Protected by a silver spoon
But now she sucks her thumb and wanders
By the banks of her own lagoon

Didn't anybody tell her?
Didn't anybody see?
Sunday's on the phone to Monday,
Tuesday's on the phone to me

She said she&#