Blunt the knives, bend the forks
Smash the bottles and burn the corks
Chip the glasses and crack the plates
That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates

Cut the cloth, tread on the fat
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat
Pour the milk on the pantry floor
Splash the wine on every door

Dump the crocks in a boiling bawl
Pound them up with a thumping pole
When you’ve finished, if any are whole
Send them down the hall to roll

That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!