I've had my pet
Since I was nine years old
I loved him and fed him
and kept him out of cold
But one day he attacked
I knew he didn't love me back
So I grabbed him like a football
And punted fifty yards

Now I hate pets
Take yourself to the vet
Now I hate pets
Dolphins trapped in little nets
Now I hate pets
You little [bad word] Screaming [bad word] bag
I should of let your mother
Eat you, little [bad word] 
So I got a little birdy
And I trained it everyday
He knew 1000 words
But then he flew away
But then I got him back
The [bad word] wouldn't shut his trap
So I took him to the bathroom [bad word] his beak in [bad word] 
Now I hate pets
Spotted owls in their nests
Now I hate pets
Bagged a deer and made a vest
Now I hate pets
Birds and bees and bears and bison
Pigs and parrots and pandas
I [bad word] hate them all!!!

I was walking through the park
When a snake peered from his hole
perfect opportunity
To take the [bad word] home
I chopped his [bad word] head off
With my handy garden hoe
And made a lovely hat-band
For my redneck cousin Bo, heee-haaw!

Now I hate pets
10,000 volts to the chest
Now I hate pets
Fed my cat some cigarettes
Now I hate pets
You little [bad word] Screaming [bad word] bag [bad word] [bad word] you, you [bad word] pig [bad word] licker, [bad word] !!!!!