Homer: Bart! 
Marge: Go to your room. 
Bart: Yeah, right. 

Well, you're damned if you do, 
(What are we talking about?) 
Well, you're damned if you do, 
(Where's your sense of humour?) 
Well, you're damned if you do, 
And you're damned if you don't. 

Homer: Bart! 

Bart: Let me start at the start, then take it away. 
My name is Simpson, Bartholemew J. 
That's Bart, with an art, and a capital B, 
Then Simp, plus S-O-N, that's me! 

Introductions aside, let's move right along, 
You can all sing along at the sound of the gong. 
(Sound of the gong) 
Once upon a time, about a week ago, 
All of a sudden, trouble started to grow. 
Alarm was buzzin', I was snoozin', 
S'posed to get up now, but I was refusin' 
To let reality [bad word] an [bad word]  
'Cause in dreamy-dream land, I was [bad word] . 
But the buzz kept buzzin', my head kept buzzin'. 
Gave the radio a throw, and heard an explosion. 
(Homer: D'oh!) 
Opened up my eyes, and to my surprise, 
There stood Homer, and his temperature risin'. 
I was chillin', he was yellin', 
Face all distorted, 'cause he was propellin'. 
It wasn't what he said, but more of his tone, 
The usual jive, put your nose to the grindstone. 
I said "I'm real sorry" but that didn't cut it, 
I started to protest, but Dad said 
Homer: Shut it. 
Get up. Mow the lawn. Move it. On the double. 
'Cause if you don't, you're in deep, deep trouble. 

Back: Trouble. 
Deep, deep trouble. [bad word] into trouble. 
Bart: Where's your sense of humour, man? 
Back: Deep, deep trouble. 
And they go a little something like this. 

Bart: So I'm in the front yard, mowin' like crazy, 
Sweatin' like a pig and the sun is blazing. 
Homer's in the driveway, getting in the car, 
With Mom and Lisa, hope they're going real far. 
The dad yells 
Homer: Bart 
Bart: and I go Yo 
He goes 
Homer: You done yet? 
Bart: and I go No. 
So he goes 
Homer: Oh! You're too slow. 
Bart: So I step on the gas, to speed up the mow. 
Didn't see that sprinkler underneath that tree, 
Wham! Ccchhh! Pssshh! Raining on me! 
I go Whoa, Homer goes 
Homer: D'oh! 
Now you can't go to the boatshow. 

Bart: This is my thanks after working my butt off? 
Homer revs the motor and they all start to putt off. 
Soaked to the bone, standing in a puddle, 
No-one needs to tell me I'm in deep, deep trouble. 

Back: Trouble. 
Marge: Go to your room. 
Homer: Bart! 
Bart: Yeah, right. 
Marge: Bart, go to your room. 
Back: Deep, deep trouble. 
Marge: Go to your room. 
Homer: Bart! 
Bart: Oh, gimme a break. 
Back: The young begins the trouble. 
Bart: Well, you're damned if you do, 
I know the answer. Well, you're damned if you do, 
Back: Deep, deep trouble. 
Bart: Well, you're damned if you do, 
And you're damned if you don't. 

As soon as they're gone, I'm stretched on the lawn, 
Lookin' at the sky with my sunshades on. 
Now I've never ever claimed that I was a smarty, 
But inspiration hits me, lets have a party. 

Called up my posse, they were here in a flash, 
They brought all their pals, we started to thrash. 
There was romping and stomping, an occasional crash, 
fist fight or two, and Nintendo for cash. 

We raided the fridge, dogs raided the trash, 
I got a little worried when the windows got smashed. 
The next thing you know, Mom and Dad are home, 
The kids disappear and I'm all alone. 

Everything's silent except for my moan, 
And the low, bluesy tone of a saxophone. 
They look at me, then they go into a huddle. 
Get this sinking sensation I'm in deep, deep trouble.