Shopping spree for the family tree, haven't seen your family 
tree, in quite a while
Too many sandwiches and wine, sherry stains down your best mans 
tie, what a speech
The band arrive, the grannies cry, the singers tongue's's in 
the bar maids mouth, what a voice
Grandpa [bad word] a drop or two and his head's still stuck down the 
portaloo, what a man

You bought a sequin dress for your chicken [bad word]  the discos 
late and he's overpaid tonight
You got a diamond ring and a man who sings, the man who sings 
made love to the bar maid twice
And that's just tonight

The blue rinsed hairs lift up their chairs
The bands too loud, they're off down stairs what a noise
The bride and groom they dance their dance
The singer mimes there's still a chance, the bar maid smiles

You bought a sequin dress for your chicken [bad word]  the discos 
late and he's overpaid tonight
You got a diamond ring and a man who sings, the man who sings 
made love to the bar maid twice
And that's just tonight

You bought a sequin dress for your chicken [bad word]  the discos 
late and he's overpaid tonight
You got a diamond ring and a man who sings, the man who sings 
made love to the bar maid twice
Grandpa [bad word] a drop or two and his head's still stuck down the 
portaloo, what a man
The bride and groom they dance their dance, the singer mimes 
there's still a chance tonight
And the bar maid smiles