Well I'm a piece of white trash
living in the suburbs
working minimum wage
'cause I'm dumber than a [bad word] 
dropped out of fifth grade
living on welfare
I don't have an ID
but I don't really care
I couldn't find a job
it really was quite tiring
and then I saw an ad
ice cream man now hiring
I took my mother's mini-van
I stole that piece of [bad word] 
boom kiddies
the ice cream man is back

I am the ice cream man [bad word] over kids in my mini-van

Well I'm driving down the street
shootin' kids with a 40
Listen in closely
This is a good story
I guess a little skaterpunk
didn't really like me
I said "What you want?"
and he said "Bite me!"
so I took the scooper
and shoved it up his pooper
and he's been limping for days
and I just sat
I sat and laughed
as the little punk waddled away

I am the ice cream man [bad word] over kids in my mini-van