CORNY
Hey there, Teenage Baltimore! 
Don't change that channel! 
'Cause it's time for the Corny 
Collins Show! Brought to you by 
Ultra Clutch Hairspray!
CORNY (& COUNCIL MEMBERS)
Ev'ry afternoon
When the clock strikes four
(bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba)
crazy bunch of kids 
Crash through that door 
(bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba)
They throw off their coats 
And leave the squares behind 
And then they shake it, shake it, shake it 
Like they're losing their mind
You'll never see them frown 
'Cause they're the nicest kids in town
Every afternoon 
You turn your T.V. on 
(na, na, na, na, na, na-na-na-na) 
And we know you turn the sound up 
When your parents are gone, yeah 
(na, na, na, na, na, na-na-na-na) 
And then you twist and shout
For your favorite star 
And once you've practiced every step
That's in your repertoire 
You [bad word] on down 
And meet the nicest kids in town
Nice white kids
Who like to lead the way
And once a month
We have our "negro day!"
And i'm the man who keeps it spinnin' round 
Mr. Corny Collins 
With the latest, greatest Baltimore sound!!
So every afternoon 
Drop everything 
(bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba)
Who needs to read and write 
When you can dance and sing?
(bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba) 
Forget about your algebra 
And calculus 
You can always do your homework 
On the morning bus 
Can't tell a verb from a noun 
They're the nicest kids in town 
Roll Call!!
COUNCIL MEMBERS
I'm Amber!
Brad!
Tammy!
Fender!
Brenda!
Sketch!
Shelley!
I.Q!
Lou Ann!
And I'm...LINK!
(All of the girls scream.)
CORNY (& COUNCIL MEMBERS)
So, if every night you're shaking
As you lie in bed 
(mony-mony, ooh, mony-mony)
And the bass and [bad word] 
Are pounding in your head 
(mony-mony, ooh, mony-mony)
Who cares about sleep 
When you can snooze in
School?
They'll never get to college 
But they sure look cool 
Don't need a cap and a gown
'Cause they're the nicest 
Kids in town 
They're the nicest. Nicest 
They're the nicest, nicest 
They're the sugar 'n' spicest, 
The nicest kids in... 
Kids in town!