"This book deals with
epiphenomenalism, which has to do with
consciousness as a mere accessory of
physiological processes whose presence
or absence... makes no difference...
whatever are you doing?"

Aphra Benn: Hello
Cervantes: Donkey
Daniel Defoe: To christen the day!
Samuel Richardson: Hello
Henry Fielding: [bad word] tattle [bad word] tattle...
Lawrence Sterne: Hello
Mary Wolstencraft: Vindicated!
Jane Austen: Here I am!
Sir Walter Scott: We're all doomed!
Leo Tolstoy: Yes!
Honoré de Balzac: Oui...
Edgar Allen Poe: Aaaarrrggghhhh!
Charlotte Brontë: Hello...
Emily Brontë: Hello...
Anne Brontë: Hellooo..?
Nikolai Gogol: Vas chi
Gustav Flaubert: Oui
William Makepeace Thackeray: Call me
'William Makepeace Thackeray'
Nathaniel Hawthorne: The letter 'A'
Herman Melville: Ahoy there!
Charles [bad word]  London is so
beautiful this time of year...
Anthony Trollope: good-good-good-good evening!
Fyodor Dostoevsky: [bad word] the sleepers...
Mark Twain: I can't even spell 'Mississippi'!
George Eliot: George reads German
Emile Zola: J'accuse
Henry James: Howdy Miss Wharton!
Thomas Hardy: Ooo-arrr!
Joseph Conrad: I'm a bloody boring writer...
Katherine Mansfield: [cough cough] 
Edith Wharton: Well hello, Mr James!
DH Lawrence: Never heard of it
EM Forster: Never heard of it!

Happy the man, and happy he alone who in all honesty can call today his own;
He who has life and strength enough to
say 'Yesterday's dead & gone - I
want to live today'

James Joyce: Hello there!
Virginia Woolf: I'm losing my mind!
Marcel Proust: Je me'en souviens plus
Scott Fitzgerald: baa bababa baa
Ernest Hemingway: I forgot the....
Hermann Hesse: Oh es ist alle so
häßlich
Evelyn Waugh: Whoooaarr!
William Faulkner: Tu connait William Faulkner?
Anaïs Nin: The strand of pearls
Ford Maddox Ford: Any colour, as long as it's black!
Jean-Paul Sartre: Let's go to the dome, Simone!
Simone de Beauvoir: C'est exact present
Albert Camus: The beach... the beach
Franz Kafka: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!
Thomas Mann: Mam
Graham Greene: Call me 'pinky', lovely
Jack Kerouac: Me car's broken down...
William S Burroughs: Wowwww!

Happy the man, and happy he alone who in all
honesty can call today his own;
He who has life and strength enough to
say 'Yesterday's dead & gone - I
want to live today'

Kingsley Amis: [cough] 
Doris Lessing: I hate men!
Vladimir Nabokov: Hello, little girl...
William Golding: Achtung Busby!
JG Ballard: [bad word] binnacle
Richard Brautigan: How are you doing?
Milan Kundera: I don't do interviews [bad word] Burnett: Hello...
Paul Theroux: Have a nice day!
Gí ¼nter Grass: I've found snails!
Gore Vidal: Oh, it makes me mad!
John [bad word] rabbit [bad word] rabbit [bad word]  [bad word] ..
Kazuro Ishiguro: Ah so, old chap!
Malcolm Bradbury: stroke John
Steinbeck, stroke JD Salinger
Iain Banks: Too orangey for crows!
AS Byatt: Nine tenths of the law, you know...
Martin Amis: [burp] 
Brett Easton Ellis: Aaaaarrrggghhh!
Umberto Eco: I don't understand this either...
Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Mi casa es su casa
Roddy Doyle: ha ha ha! [bad word]  Names will live forever.