Kathy: [bad word] here and imagine that this is the spot where everything I've lost since my childhood is washed out. I tell myself, if that were [bad word]  and I waited long enough then a tiny figure would appear on the horizon across the field and gradually get larger until I'd see it was Tommy. He'd wave. And maybe call. I don't know if the fantasy go beyond that, I can't let it. I remind myself I was lucky to have had any time with him at all. What I'm not sure about, is if our lives have been so different from the lives of the people we save. We [bad word]  Maybe none of us really understand what we've lived through, or feel we've had enough time. 
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