Everywhere I go someone's 
tryin' to by my girlfriend's best friend.
I try to pretend I'm relaxed,
but I'm playing castanets with my knees. 

I try to be cool and give her space,
but a guy's always there ready 
to jump right up and take my place.
Everyone in this room seems 
to want to make a big fool out of me.

Everybody open your mouth,
(Everybody, everybody...)
Everybody just say ahh.
(Ahh, ahh, ahh...)
Everything will be alright
if you play along.

Everywhere I go there's someone in a trenchcoat staring at me.
When I'm not at home I'm sure someone's [bad word] through my trash.
Whatever could they want from me?
Is it just a part of a giant government conspiracy?
I gotta go see my doctor about this itchy pentagram shaped rash.

Everybody open your mouth,
(Everybody, everybody..)
Everybody just say ahh
(Ahh, ahh, ahh..)
Everything will be alright
this won't hurt at all.

Everybody get in line,
(Everybody, everybody..)
Everybody turn and cough,
(Ahh, ahh, ahh..)
Everything will be alright,
if you just lay off.

Dictate a memo to myself,
Try to find if I'm the only one [bad word] health.
Consult contemporaries if there are some to see.
There really isn't anyone who's in my league

But me..

Every night at the lanes someone thinks
they've got a fine bead on me.**
I try to take three deep breaths
as I lock in and arm mini-van.
Everyone says I'm looking great,
but it's hard to stand up
let alone to try to concentrate.

I wish that everyone I knew hadn't 
sold out to the man.

Everybody open your mouth,
(Everybody, everybody..)
Everybody just say ahh
(Ahh, ahh, ahh..)
Everything will be alright
this won't hurt at all.

Everybody get in line,
(Everybody, everybody..)
Everybody turn and cough,
(Ahh, ahh, ahh..)
Everything will be alright,
if you just lay..
everything will be alright if you just lay..
everything will be alright if you just lay off.