I hope that the last the page of your 800-page novel is missing
And I hope that it rains if you leave the window down on your red Mustang

'Cause everyday ought to be a bad day for you

And if you drop your keys I hope there's a sewer somewhere very nearby
And if you're out of clean sheets I hope your new girl takes off and it's clear why

'Cause everyday ought to be a bad day for you

And I would like to be your girlfriend so I could dump you
And I would like to be your garbage man so I would never have to pick up your trash again

Maybe you should wonder why your apartment is always so empty
Well I hope you get locked out of that apartment and have to call Jenny

'Cause everyday ought to be a bad day for you

But I'm sorry if it ever is