Now Maria was a high class gypsy,
she sold gold earings from a stall,
Her mother had a cut-glass eye,
her father had a crystal ball.

I took Maria to a fancy dress dance, it was a very swell affair,
All the girls had to wear a dress the same colour as their escort's hair.
There was [bad word] in the ballroom at the palace,
All the men wanted to dance with the girl who came with Telly Savalas.

Hi-diggi-dum-dum, diggi-diggi-dum-dum,
hi-diggi-dum-dum, diggi-diggi-dum.

Hi-diggi-dum-dum, diggi-diggi-dum-dum,
hi-diggi-dum-dum, diggi-diggi-dum.

All together!
Please yourselves...

Please don't blame my doggie, it's not his fault at all,
Someone left a wet umbrella standing in the hall.

Bend down girls who touch your toes,
I'm gonna show you where the wild goose goes.

Some girls are like Africa, mysterious and hot,
Other girls are like "Paris" with all the charm it's got.
But Maria she is like Tibet with all its ice and snow there,
'Cause everyone knows where it is but no one wants to go there.

Dets bi-diddly-doe, dets bi-diddly-doe,
dets bi-diddly-doe, dets bi-diddly-doe.

I must admit she was the strangest woman that I have ever seen,
One of her eyes was bright magenta, but the other two were green.

I went into a phone box to try and get in touch,
With my lovely Maria 'cause I love her so much.
policeman came and turned me out, I still can hear him yell,
He went back into the phone box and he turned her out as well.

Dets bi-diddly-doe, dets bi-diddly-doe,
dets bi-diddly-doe, dets bi-diddly-doe.

I twirled her 'round the dance floor, she said, "I hate the way you're doing it."
I said, "Why?" she said, "I've got a wooden leg and you're unscrewing it."

Standing on a crosstown bus hanging by a strap,
She let her hanky fall into a sleeping old man's lap.
He woke up, he looked down, he gave a sheepish grin,
He thought it was his shirt-tail and he slyly tucked it in.

Dets bi-diddly-doe, dets bi-diddly-doe,
dets bi-diddly-doe, dets bi-diddly-doe.

I saw her in her birthday suit swimming by the wier,
She said, "Please go away," but I pretended not to hear.
She said, "If you don't go I'll stay in here 'til it gets dark,"
I said, "That's okay by me, I only came to feed the shark."

Dets bi-diddly-doe, dets bi-diddly-doe,
dets bi-diddly-doe, dets bi-diddly-doe.

We had the gypsy wedding but the caterers were mobsters,
They blew up all the prawns and shrimps to make them look like lobsters.

So she stuffed herself with wedding cake and beer and fish and chips,
I carried her across the threshold, I had to make two trips.
But alas that wicked gypsy girl [bad word] my poor life,
She's gone back to her mother and not I'm going back to the wife.