Act I 

But one night, at the 
Social Club meeting Mary didn't show up... 
She was sucking [bad word] backstage at The Armory 
In order to get a pass To see some big rock group for free... 

SCENE FOUR 
CREW [bad word] 

Backstage at the local Armory, MARY, in her little white dress, 
is wiping the remnants of her performance off the side of her mouth 
as LARRY (the guy from the garage who quit the band in order to make 
an honest living) zips up the front of his stinking boiler suit and sings 
to the same teen-age girls who were stomping and clapping a little while ago, 
as they kneel with their little pink mouths open near the crew bus, 
hoping to save the price of admission by performing acts of Hooverism on 
the jolly lads who set up the P. A. System. 

LARRY: 
Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these 
Industrial towns 
I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired 
Of all the local clowns 
They never give you no respect 
They never treat you nice 
So perhaps you oughta try 
little friendly advice 

And be a CREW [bad word] 
Hey, you 'll love it 
Be a CREW [bad word] 
It's a way of life 
Be a CREW [bad word] 
See the world 
Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus 
CREW [bad word] 
Add water, makes its own sauce 
Be a CREW [bad word] 
So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite 
The boys in the crew 
Are fust waiting for you 

You never get to move around 
You never go nowhere 
I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired 
Of all the guys out there 
You always wondered what it's like 
To go from place to place 
So, darlin', take a little ride 
On the mixer's face 

Be a CREW [bad word] 
Just follow the magic footprints 
Be a CREW [bad word] 
Hey, you'll love it! 
Be a CREW [bad word] 
It's a way of life 
I ain't gonna squash it 
And you don't need to wash it! 
CREW [bad word] 
Hey, I'll buy you a pizza 
CREW [bad word] 
Of course I'll introduce you to Warren 
The boys in the crew 
Are only waiting for you 

At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time, 
borrow some of the big rock group's equipment and have a blues jam 
session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with 
a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat. Obviously impressed 
with LARRY'S ability to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching 
little [bad word] out of it, MARY kneels again and reaches upward in 
gestures of supplication, listening intently as LARRY continues to sing... 

LARRY: 
Well you been to Alabama, girl, 
'N' Georgia too 
'N' all the boys in thecrew 
Is bein' good to you 
I know yer sayin' to yourself 
'This is the way to go 
'Cause when you need a little extra 
They will give you some mo' 
'Cause you're the CREW [bad word] 

MARY: 
I'm into leather... 

LARRY: 
That s good! lot of the boys in the crew 
Love leather... 

MARY: 
 [bad word] .. 

LARRY: 
Yeh, they [bad word] too... shrink- tubing 
With a hair dryer... 

ROAD CREW [bad word]  
Trade your spot on the bench 
For a guy with a wrench 

MARY: 
Ha ha ha... 

LARRY: 
You like that, huh? 
I told you you'd love it... 
It's a way of life! 

ROAD CREW [bad word]  
The guys in the crew 
Have got a present for you! 

MARY: 
present for me? 

LARRY: We got a present for you! 

MARY: 
Whaddya got? 
Whaddya gonna give me? 

LARRY: 
It looks just like a TeleFunken U-47 
You'll love it... 

MARY: With leather? 

CENTRAL [bad word]  
Eherrr, eh eh...This is the CENTRAL [bad word] again... 
And so MARY was enticed away from Joe 
By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket 
Lured into a life of SLEAZERY 
With the entire road crew of some Famous Rock Group (I don't