I think that life has got it in for me,
Can you please tell me who's to blame?
For all the bills upon my mat -
They breed and grow then eat the cat.
Where [bad word] from I don't know,
I stare at them but they won't go!

It seems that life's a big [bad word] 
Why is everybody out to bring me down?
There has to be a simple explanation,
Why failure is the fashion every time [bad word] to town.

If life is sweet - then I'm diabetic
The future looks rosy - I just went colourblind.

This all seems to be some mass conspiracy,
So I demand the right to know,
If there's a God up there, [bad word] he seems to care
For every little bird and bee, but couldn't give a [bad word] for me.

It seems that life's a big [bad word] 
Why is everybody out to bring me down?
There has to be a simple explanation,
Why failure is the fashion every time [bad word] to town.

If high hopes were bank notes,
I'd own all of England
And teardrops were diamonds,
Then I'd be a millionaire.

Just what nobody wanted,
I'm just what nobody wanted.

You say I'm purely being paranoid,
I beg to differ - it's not [bad word]  [bad word] just seems to hit the fan,
Every time I make a plan.
Grand design to small detail,
All I do is doomed to fail.

It seems that life's a big [bad word] 
Why is everybody out to bring me down?
There has to be a simple explanation,
Why failure is the fashion every time [bad word] to town. 

If life is sweet - then I'm diabetic
The future looks rosy - I just went colourblind.