The season's upon us, it's that time of year 
Brandy and eggnog, there's plenty of cheer 
There's lights on the trees and there's wreaths to be hung 
There's mischief and mayhem and songs to be sung

There's bells and there's holly, the kids are gung-ho  [bad word] loves finds a kiss beneath fresh mistletoe 
Some families are messed up while others are fine 
If you think yours is crazy, well you should see mine

My sisters are wackjobs, I wish I had none 
Their husbands are losers and so are their sons 
My nephew's a horrible wise little twit 
He once gave me a nice gift wrapped box full of [bad word] 
He likes to pelt carolers with icy snowballs 
I'd like to take him out back and deck more than the halls 
With family like this I would have to confess 
I'd be better off lonely, distraught and depressed

The season's upon us, it's that time of year 
Brandy and eggnog, there's plenty of cheer 
There's lights on the trees and there's wreaths to be hung 
There's mischief and mayhem and songs to be sung 
They call this Christmas where I'm from

My mom likes to cook push our buttons and prod 
My brother just brought home another big broad 
The eyes rollin' [bad word] love from the kitchen  [bad word] home more often if they'd only quit [bad word] 

Dad on the other hand's a selfish old sod 
Drinks whiskey alone with my miserable dog 
Who [bad word] off fetch sure he couldn't care less 
He defiled my teddy bear and left me the mess

The season's upon us, it's that time of year 
Brandy and eggnog, there's plenty of cheer 
There's lights on the trees and there's wreaths to be hung 
There's mischief and mayhem and songs to be sung 
They call this Christmas where I'm from

The table's set, we raise a toast 
The father, son, and the Holy Ghost 
I'm so glad this day [bad word] once a year 
You can keep your opinions, your presents, your happy new year 
They call this Christmas where I'm from 
They call this Christmas where I'm from