Why is marijuana not legal?
Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt. 
You know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard ons, that's not natural
But we got pills for that. 
We're dedicating all our medical resources into keeping the old guys erect
But we're putting people in jail for smoking something that grows in the dirt. 
You know we have more prescription [bad word] now. [bad word] on TV is a prescription [bad word] ad. 
I can't watch TV for 4 minutes without thinking I have 5 serious diseases. 
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the mornings?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down whatever it is I have this. 
Half the time you don't even know what [bad word] is
There are [bad word] through fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean. 
That is the greatest disease ever, how did you get that?
That [bad word] with a hot chick and a puppy. 

The schools now, it's all about self esteem in schools. 
Build the kids self esteem, make them feel good about themselves. 
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem who's gonna dance in our strip clubs? 
What's gonna happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grow on trees. 
It takes lots of [bad word] daddies missing a lot of dance recitals
Before you decide to go blow a goat on the internet for 50 bucks. 
And if that disappears where does that leave me on a Friday with my new high speed connection?

If you sing, sing, sing
Sing your song
Sing for [bad word] on now sing

Baby sing, sing, sing 
Sing your song
Sing for me
(Sing, sing, sing...)

Mastermind is another word [bad word] up all the time. 
You keep hearing about these terrorist masterminds that are being killed over in the middle east. 
Terrorist masterminds. 
Mastermind's sort of a lofty way to describe what these people do don't you think?
They're not masterminds. 
Okay you take bomb right and you put in back pack and you get on bus and you blow yourself up 
Why do I have to blow myself up, why don't I put.. 
Who's the [bad word] mastermind here me or you?

Americans, let's face it weve been a spoiled country for a long time. 
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity - Obesity. 
They say we are in the middle of an obesity epidemic! An epidemic, like its polio. 
Like well be telling our grand kids about in one day: The Great Obesity Epidemic Of 2004. 
How did you get through it grandpa? 
Oh it was horrible, Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.
Nobody knows why we are getting fatter look at our lifestyles. 
I'll sit at a drive through
I'll sit there behind 15 other cars instead of getting up and making the 8 foot walk over to the totally empty counter. 
Everything is mega meal, supersize, you want biggy fries with that, you want a jumbo fry, you wanna go large,
you wanna biggie fry, you want thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother [bad word] there's room in the bag take it!
You want a 55 gallon [bad word] coke with that? It's only 3 more cents.

If you sing, sing, sing
Sing your song
Sing for [bad word] on now sing

Baby sing, sing, sing 
Sing your song
Sing for me
(Sing, sing, sing...)

Sometimes you got to suffer a little in your youth to motivate you to succeed later in life. 
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school?
Do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not! You gotta spend a lot of time stuffin your own locker with your underwear wedged up your [bad word] Before you think "I'm gonna take over the world [bad word]  You'll see! I'll show them."

We're in one of the richest countries in the world, and the minimum wage is lower now than it was 35 years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day and I w