In the Papers

Now I've just read an interesting article, the most interesting I've ever seen,
It told the difference 'tween a fat girl and a girl who's lean.
It said both of them may smoke a cigarette, but it's one of life's natural laws,
That the fat girl always finishes first 'cause she takes bigger draws.
 [bad word] I know it's [bad word]  (I know it's [bad word] 
I know it's right, (I know it's right)
It's in the papers, (it's in the papers)
In black and white.

And the fashion editress tells us that the neck lines are getting real bold,
They're wearing the new religious look, it's sort of low and behold.
Now the neck lines are getting lower and the skirts go up each week,
I don't know where it's all leading, but I'd like to be there when they meet.
 [bad word] 

Now a nervous new rent collector got the wind up the very first day,
He said, "Boss, there's a man at the buildings with a pitchfork barring my way."
His boss said, "But all of my tenants are very high class and well bred,
He was probably holding a pitchfork because he'd been making the bed."
 [bad word] 

And the readers write to Doctor Jollygood because he helps them so,
If they say the suffer from 'Ackney, he says move to Walthamstow.
woman wrote that a cartridge had been swallowed by her young son,
He said just to keep him wrapped up warm and don't point him at anyone.
 [bad word] 

Oh yeah. It's in the papers. Extra, extra, read all about it!