General football dressing room noise. Mourinho enters. Noise dies down)

Did you call that the performance of Champions?
I am not looking at Champions.

ALRIGHT GAFFER!

No. It is not alright gaffer (Team protests)
Shut up Makelele.
I am the manager of this team, and who am I?

YOU ARE THE SPECIAL ONE!

Yes I am the special one, but that performance was not special,
It made me laugh, and champions should not make me laugh,
If I want to laugh, maybe I listen to Damien doing a car insurance ad,
Damien do it,
Make me laugh,
Now.

(Damien Duff- "Hibernian Insurance; pretty good!)

(Sniggers)

Ya very funny.
Now, Drogba.
First half, pathetic (Didier Drogba protests throughout this)
Look if you want I can replace you,
It's no problem,
I can, I can replace you,
It's no problem,
I can do it,

(Whilst typing)

w w w dot,
Amazon
dot
co
dot
U.K
Searchword,
Rooney,
Thirty-five half million,
No problem,
I can do it,
I can do it,
Do you want me to press buy?

(Drogba - no please gaffer)

Do you want me to press buy?

(Drogba - NO!)

Then listen to the special one?

(ok, ok)

Good. (sorry)

Now, second half,
Vocal exercises, midfield,
Now.

WOAH-OH

Very good, very good.
Defence,
Breathe and vocal.

WOAH-OH

Very good,
You are ready I think.

(applause, cheering etc)

Ok, ok, ok, ok,
It's time for the song,

(cheering)

Last week...
Shut up Drogba..
Last week, we beat [bad word] 
And I did for you,
'Don't Look Back At Wenger'

'DONT LOOK BACK AT WENGER...(to "Don't Look Back In Anger"

Sh..Shut up...
Shut up Damien. Shut up.
This week, I do for you,
The special one,

YOU ARE THE SPECIAL ONE!

I know,
I know I...shhhh
I know I am the special one,
I know I am the special one, [bad word] in - Joseph and his amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat!)
But this week it's a very special song,
And this one is called,
Jose and his amazing Technicolour Overcoat!

(Cheers)

Sh sh sh,
Shut up.

I close my eyes,
And stand there grinning, (WOAH-OH)
We can't stop winning, (WOAH-OH)
You'd be grinning too.
And when I first came, (WHEN HE FIRST CAME)
I was delighted, (WOAH-OH)
Could've managed, United (WOAH-OH)
But any team will do.
I wore my coat, (HE WEARS HIS COAT)
The world is merry, (WOAH-OH)
I've got, John Terry, (WOAH-OH)
And Drogba too, (GO ON DIDIER!) Very good,
I switched them round, (HE SWITCHES ROUND)
They all are hating, (WOAH-OH)
But I like rotating, (WOAH-OH)
Any team will do.

(GO ON GAFFER!)

corner kick,
Is just enough,
little flick from,
Damien Duff, (GO ON DAMIEN! GO ON DUFFER!)
The ball flies right into the net,
And we are 1-0 up!

(ONE NIL! ONE NIL! ONE NIL! ONE NIL!)

May I return, (MAY I RETURN)
To the beginning, (WOAH-OH)
It's so easy winning, (WOAH-OH)
When your team is blue. [bad word] on) (BLUE IS THE COLOUR!)
We can't go wrong, (WE CANT GO WRONG)
I am in heaven, (WOAH-OH)
Playing whatever, eleven, (WOAH-OH)
'Cause any team will do. (YEAH!!!)

Now,
Go and be champions, (YEAH!!)
Be champions! (YEAH!!)
Do it, (YEAH!!)
Love it! (YEAH!!)
And if you dont do it, (mumbles..)
You can kill yourselves! (YEAH!!)
And take that from me!

Be champions! (Cheering fades)