Brain-storming habit-forming battle-warning weary
Winsome actor spewing spineless chilling lines ---
The critics falling over to tell themselves he's boring
And really not an awful lot of fun.
Well who the [bad word] can he be when he's never had v.d.,
And he doesn't even sit on toilet seats?
Court-jesting, never-resting --- he must be very cunning
To assume an air of dignity

And bless us all with his oratory prowess,
His lame-brained antics and his jumping in the air.
And every night his act's the same
And so it must be all a game of chess he's playing ---
``but you're wrong, Steve: you see, it's only solitaire.''