In the woods of Northern Michigan he made his home 
Didn't ask much from the world, just wanted to be alone 
He got his first real blade at thirteen thats when it all began 
soon the creatures of the forest called him whittlin' man 

yeah 

he whittled all day and he whittled all night 
he whittled whittled whittled everything in sight 
he whittled on a stick 
he whittled on his shoe 
and if [bad word] too close gonna whittle you too 

keep a safe distance if you can 
cause you're never safe around whittlin` man 

had a stump to sit on 
had some wood, had his [bad word] knife 
whittled out a house, a car 
and he whittled himself a wife (such a beautiful wife) 
whittled out four kids, a swimming pool and a big lear jet 
and so he wouldn't miss saved by the bell, well he whittled a T.V. set 

yeah 

he whittled if its light, and he whittled if its dark 
and if noah was around, well he'd whittle him an arc
he'd whittle somethin new and he'd whittle somethin old 
he'd whittle somethin hot and he'd whittle somethin rather chilly 

keep a safe distance if you can 
cause you're never safe around whittlin` man 

break it down 

some say whittlin` mans a genius, still others say he's just dumb 
he whittled off a foot, an ear, three fingers and his left thumb 
boy is he dumb 
that won't stop him, no it won't 
he'll whittle through thick and thin 
once he's whittled everything, he'll just whittle it all again 

yeah 

he whittled if it was white, and he whittled if its black 
and he whittled on a duck til the duck can't quack 
he whittled if it was dry and he whittled if its juicy 
whittled on Desi and he whittled on Lucy 
whittled JFK and he whittled Jackie O 
whittled old Larry and Curly and Moe 
and he whittled Frank Zappa and he whittled Tipper Gore 
whittle whittle whittle til he can't no more 
whittled Shamu and he whittled on Jaws 
whittled The Easter Bunny and he whittled Santa Claus 
and whittle whittle whittle just fast he can 
whittle 'til he's dead, he's whittlin` man