When I look at my life I see something's not right
Like a thousand percent
And I wonder what it is, how it is that it's always just me here
Lying alone at the end of the night, ten thousand percent

I put most of the blame on Alfred [bad word] he couldn't take the bullet intended for mama and papa?
I never had a pony, I never had pets
Just a [bad word] butler, who builds [bad word] jets

Oh! I'm falling apart, I need a friend
Somebody to hold on to, somebody to confide in
Think of the children, next time you gun down their mama and papa
Their only mama and papa
Because they probably don't have another mama and papa

I was seein' a girl for a while, a couple days anyway
And I told her I loved her
She said you're such a good friend and that rash is bad
You should really go see a doctor

Then she just disappeared, sent me some text about bad timing
And my love being selfish
Then my doctor called up and the blood came back and as it turns out
I'm allergic to peanuts and shellfish
I loved peanuts and shellfish once

I'm falling apart, I'm lacking punch
I can barely eat, this morning I barely touched my [bad word] Two spoons of oatmeal, a couple of nuts, and half a banana
And like my soul, the banana was [bad word] and black

I'm falling apart, I need a friend
Somebody to hold on to, somebody to confide in
Somebody to ride in the [bad word] Co-captain of the friendship ship
Or maybe just a friend ship
If I had a buddy, we could discuss
Just what we call friendship

I want to be somebody's buddy
Somebody who can be my buddy back
I want to be somebody's buddy
Anybody but a [bad word] butler

I want to be somebody's buddy
Somebody who can be my buddy back
I want to be somebody's buddy

Anybody but a [bad word] butler

I want to be somebody's buddy
Somebody who can be my buddy back
I want to be somebody's buddy

Anybody but a bumbling butler

I want to be somebody's buddy
(I want to be, I want to be, I want to be, I want to be)
Somebody who can be my buddy back
(Somebody's buddy back)
I want to be somebody's buddy
(I want to be, I want to be, I want to be, I want to be)

Anybody but a [bad word] butler

I want to be somebody's buddy
(I want to be, I want to be, I want to be, I want to be)
(Bud-buddy, buddy. Bud-buddy, buddy)
Somebody who can be my buddy back
(Somebody's buddy back)
(Bud-buddy, buddy. Bud-bud...)
I want to be somebody's buddy
(I want to be, I want to be, I want to be, I want to be)
(Bud-buddy, buddy. Bud-buddy, buddy)

Anybody but a bumbling butler
(Bud-buddy, buddy. Bud-bud...)

I want to be somebody's buddy
(I want to be, I want to be, I want to be, I want to be)
(Bud-buddy, buddy. Bud-buddy, buddy)
((Somebody, somebody))
Somebody who can be my buddy back
(Somebody's buddy back)
(Bud-buddy, buddy. Bud-bud...)
((Somebody, by my friend))
I want to be somebody's buddy
(I want to be, I want to be, I want to be, I want to be)
(Bud-buddy, buddy. Bud-buddy, buddy)
((Somebody, somebody))

Anybody but a [bad word] butler
(Bud-buddy, buddy. Bud-bud...)
((Somebody, anybody, by my friend))

I want to be somebody's buddy
(I want to be, I want to be, I want to be, I want to be)
(Bud-buddy, buddy. Bud-buddy, buddy)
((Somebody, somebody))
Somebody who can be my buddy back
(Somebody's buddy back)
(Bud-buddy, buddy. Bud-bud...)
((Somebody, by my friend))
I want to be somebody's buddy
(I want to be, I want to be, I want to be, I want to be)
(Bud-buddy, buddy. Bud-buddy, buddy)
((Somebody, somebody))

Anybody but a bumbling butler
(Bud-buddy, buddy. Bud-bud...)
((Somebody, anybody, by my friend))

I want to be somebody's buddy
Somebody who can be my buddy back
I want to be somebody's buddy