She makes a lot of abstract art
She haggles for the cheapest price
She never orders take out food before ten o'clock at night
She's really into snowmobiles
She owns a lot of nice flashlights
She cares for all the stupid cats that never found their way home
She shaves her legs with Ginsu knives
She quotes a lot of Annie Hall
She misplaced her virginity back in 1995
She's what's keeping me alive
She's the pizza of my eye
Without her near me I would not survive

It gets cold when she's not around
I float until I sink and I'm swallowed up
It's so cold when she's not around
I wait for her [bad word] home and tell me I'll be fine

She's always eating Captain [bad word] 
She sings a lot of Ben Folds Five
She's scared to death of cobra snakes
Just like Indiana Jones
She tells the dumbest knock-knock jokes
She drinks a lot of Chardonnay
She hates the way [bad word] my hair
But she married me last June
She was the bride, I was the groom
I cried a lot and then we spooned
Without her in my life I would be doomed

It gets cold when she's not around
I float until I sink and I'm swallowed up
It's so cold when she's not around
I wait for her [bad word] home and tell me I'll be fine
Tell me I'll be fine

She loves the smell of Christmas trees
She sneezes when she sees bright lights
She fainted on the kitchen floor
When her father passed away
Our baby girl is due this May
And when the little lady grows up
I hope that she will be just like her mother