Strikes the bell for 5 o'clock, 
Uncle Arthur closes shop 
Screws the tops on all the bottles, 
turns the lights out, locks it up 
Climbs across his bike and he's away 
Cycles past the gasworks, 
Past the river, down the high street 
Back to mother, 
It's another empty day 

Uncle Arthur likes his mommy 
Uncle Arthur still [bad word] 
Uncle Arthur follows Batman 

Round and round [bad word] fly, 
How he ran away from Mum 
On his 32nd birthday, 
Told her that he'd found a chum 
Mother cried and raved 
And yelled and fussed 
Arthur left her no illusion, 
Brought the girl round, save confusion 
Sally was the real thing, 
Not just lust 

Uncle Arthur vanished quickly 
Uncle Arthur and his new bride 
Uncle Arthur follows Sally 

Round and round goes Arthur's head, 
Hasn't eaten well for days 
Little Sally may be lovely, 
But cooking leaves her in a maze 
Uncle Arthur packed his bags and fled 
Back to mother, all's forgiven, 
Serving in the family shop 
He gets his pocket money, he's well fed 

Uncle Arthur past the gasworks 
Uncle Arthur past the river 
Uncle Arthur down the high street 
Uncle Arthur follows mother