You’d think New Scotland Yard would appreciate precision 
How many times can I say it? It’s not my division! 
It’s like a pack of lemmings who can’t seem to make decisions 
 [bad word] it didn’t I just tell you, it’s not my division?

Next man who tells me it’s my problem 
I’m gonna shoot right in the eye

Mycroft Holmes is bad bad man 
I won’t let myself get mixed up with him if I can (help it) 
Umbrella so suave thinks he owns the world 
I’m too old to have a [bad word] like a little girl

Next man who tells me its Him on the phone 
Is getting kicked right in the nuts

You’d think Watson could keep his detective on hand 
It’s not my problem and I won’t make a stand 
But he better well look before he [bad word] well leaps 
Next crime scene he tampers with I think I’m gonna freak

Next man who tells me he’s solved the case without us 
Better duck lest he start to cry

Next problem given to me when it’s not mine 
Somebody’s gonna die 
Except not really 
Cause that would be bad 
As a DI 
 [bad word] it