[bad word]  [bad word] deutsche_musik 

Did you ever think about killing yourself?

Yes, many times… because I don't worship this existence. So therefore
it's the… it's a driving force for me… is to die. It's the only power I can
get, you know, from… the only reason why I'm still here is because
I want to die in a certain way. And I want to achieve some things.
I wouldn't dare to die with a weak soul, I wouldn't dare to die with a
human goodness or a human light in my mind.

It's just that I want to clean my soul a little bit from the [bad word] here, so…