"I wish I had one o'them horses that's on a stick... put it between your legs... jump up and down with it... those are fun...."

"Hilde..."

"Yeah Billy-Lee..."

"I was [bad word] the interweb the other day in search of new and interesting forms of pornography, and I came across something very interesting which juxtaposed against Aunt Momma's missionary position on alcohol."

"Oh she didn't like alcohol..."

"No she did not! But this here fact kind of undermines that position. Which I... assume is a bad position. The key figure in her mythology, a mister... Jesus, apparently... used to turn water... into wine."

"No [bad word] #33;?!"

"Yes, and I have an idea. I'm lookin' around the room here, I see a lot of people with Aquafina. I'm thinking if we find Jesus and get him down here, we can take that Aquafina, turn it into wine... take this punk-rock party up a notch. Whadya say?"

"I say: HEY JESUS!"

And behold there was an angel
And she took me by the hand
Led me deep into the chamber
Mother's belly underground
I [bad word] in this darkness
As a child in the womb
Unafraid my eyes were open
Silent Angel filled the room

Then Mr. Jesus "Hey Jesus!"
Saved our party "Hey Jesus!"
With his wine "Hey Jesus!"

It's the Legend of the Sour Grapes

She bade me peer through yonder portal
To heaven just before the sun 
And behold a morning angel
Whispering "follow me now son"
With her light as though a finger
Pointing to the other wall
Traced a path of five directions
And behold a holy star

Then Mr. Jesus "Hey Jesus!"
Saved our party "Hey Jesus!"
With his wine "Hey Jesus!"

It's the Legend of the Sour Grapes

"Ok now Billy-Lee, this Jesus... he sounds awful talented."

"Very!"

"Now do you think...you know how I make that spinach dip and I put it in the sour-bread bowl? Now do ya think he could take my spinach dip and turn it into something maybe a little bit more useful like... I don't know... cocaine?!?"

"I beleive he can! See, I was [bad word] his wikipedia file and as it turns out: Mr. Jesus was a very talented fellow. He could not only clear up exzema, work on your acne, fix retards ("Wow"), and get this: Master of Watersports! So I don't think it's that much of a stretch. He could not only turn your awful spinach dip into cocaine... I think we could skip right over the wine. Let's take that water... turn it into tequila."

" [bad word] Jesus! He's Amazing!"

Jesus "Hey Jesus!"
Saved our party "Hey Jesus!"
With his wine "Hey Jesus!"
And Cocaine "Oh Jesus!"

It's the Legend of the Sour...

Legend of the Sour...

Legend of the Sour Grapes