Well he came home from the war
 with a party in his head
 and modified Brougham DeVille
 and a pair of legs that opened up
 like butterfly wings
 and a mad dog that wouldn't
 sit still
 he went and took up with a Salvation Army
 Band girl
 who played dirty water
 on a swordfishtrombone
 he went to sleep at the bottom of
 Tenkiller lake
 and he said "gee, but it's
 great to be home."

 Well he came home from the war
 with a party in his head
 and an idea for a fireworks display
 and he knew that he'd be ready with
 a stainless steel machete
 and a half a pint of Ballentine's
 each day
 and he holed up in room above a hardware store
 cryin' nothing there but Hollywood tears
 and he put a spell on some
 poor little [bad word] girl
 and stayed like that for 27 years

 Well he packed up all his
 expectations he lit out for California
 with a flyswatter banjo on his knee
 with a lucky tiger in his angel hair
 and benzedrine for getting there
 they found him in a eucalyptus tree
 lieutenant got him a canary bird
 and shaked her head with every word
 and Chesterfielded moonbeams in a song
 and he got 20 years for lovin' her
 from some Oklahoma governor
 said everything this Doughboy
 does is wrong

 Now some say he's doing
 the obituary mambo
 and some say he's hanging on the wall
 perhaps this yarn's the only thing
 that holds this man together
 some say he was never here at all

 Some say they saw him down in
 Birmingham, sleeping in a
 boxcar going by
 and if you think that you can tell a bigger tale
 I swear to God you'd have to tell a lie...