Lyrics:

My name is Link y'all Im straight outta [bad word] Been on the force of good since 1986. Old school.
I'm bringin you a laid back summertime jam

Hold on a minute Link

Hey what's up Old Man?

I see that you're embarking on another epic quest
You're gonna use your Ocarina to rescue the Princess
But you'll need a magic weapon that'll never ever miss
It's dangerous to go alone take this

Oh thanks old man that is really very nice
I can always count on you for help and friendly advice
Though I've never seen a sword of quite that shape or size

Oh God that's not a sword it's your [bad word] in disguise

Yes I can't lie I have painted my shween
Now grab your destiny if you know what I mean
Wait a minute Link don't leave the cave, where do you think you're going
This is a great chance to fondle old [bad word] that you're blowing

That was weird but whatever there is no time to lose
I've gotta to warp right now to Zelda in this chilled out groove
Wait this isn't Ganon's lair, I'm in Liberty City
This place looks just like Philadelphia but even more [bad word] 
I'm at the corner of Dead Cop and Prostitute junction
Something in my Ocarina must have gone and malfunctioned
I gotta fix it quickly, there is justice to do

Hold on a minute Link

Old man, is that you?

This is a place you can't survive with just your sword and your wits
It's dangerous to go alone. Take this!

Well that's really kind of...that's your wrinkled [bad word] again
Look I know I wear a tunic, but I'm not into men

Don't be that way [bad word]  let me introduce you
To my three best friends: Mr. Johnson and the juice crew
If you see the Princess Zelda, well you know you're gonna grab her
So why don't you try [bad word] grab my inflatable poo jabber?

OH MY GOD! 

I've got to warp out of here, Princess Zelda awaits
I must defeat Ganondorf before it gets too late 
Ok...now I REALLY don't know where I am

Hold on a minute Link

GodDAMMIT Old Man!

You're in Raccoon City, it's a zombie abyss
It's dangerous to go alone take....

NO! [bad word] YOU! I'M NOT GIVING YOU A...
STOP THE CHILLED OUT GROOVE!