Everyone I flirt with has another lover I discover,

Or they want to keep me for eternity.

Everyone I sleep with has a pre-existing [bad word] 

Or need a place to live with urgency.

And where's the fun in that?

No thanks,

I think I'm staying single

Oh, oh.

I think I'm staying single.

Oh oh oh oh.

And the ants go marching two by two

Into the night without emerging

Urging me to stay at home and watch TV,

And at 5am I hear them screaming

Empty words devoid of meaning

It could be [bad word] or agony

And where's the fun in that?

No thanks,

I think I'm staying single

Oh oh Oh oh oh Oh oh

I think I'm staying single

oOh Oh oh Oh oh Ooh,

But at night there's nothing finer

Than being home with wine

And I'm ignoring all the signs of my own

nunnery

But if someone were to love me they hold that love above me

and I'd never get enough of all their want and need

And they'd play the game, and then I'd lose

I'd rip it up, and kill the mood

And then I'd give them attitude

No way, I think I'm staying single
 [bad word] you

Oh wait no, let's not

Cus I'm staying single

Keep yourself to yourself

Because I'm staying single

And I don't really care if you're in an open relationship,

Because technically [bad word] that still means that you're taken

And I'm staying single

You left me for a midget [bad word] 
So I'm staying single

You took all of my money and you ran away to Canberra

What the [bad word] is the point of Canberra as a city anyway?

So I'm staying single

(Audience contributions

Turns out

We were related,

So I'm staying single,

Dumped at a sorority ball, waking up next to her roomate unwittingly one month later I'm staying single

His sister was in love with me and when I told him his reaction was like 'Oh yeah I knew that'
 [bad word]  staying single

I learned the hard-way you can't text message break up

Frowny-face

To all of her friends except me

So I'm staying single

My dad caught his girlfriend [bad word] his dog,
 [bad word] story ask Sally,

So I'm staying single

I've never had a boyfriend, so like, [bad word] you

So I'm staying single

My boyfriend called my parents to tell him-to tell them he was married

So I'm staying single

My boyfriend moved to England without telling me and I haven't seen him since

So I'm staying single)

Your name was

Craig.

So I'm staying-

Somehow in a live-in relationship now