The Simple Joys of Maidenhood

 

Where the exit-door leads in

he [bad word] circling clockwise

counting two out of the three

slightly above the first degree

 

"Has there been blood?"

 

he asks politely as once a year we do explore

with my head resting on the pillow

gateways towards

Plutonian shores

 

Some are caused by downward pressure

so don't strain when opening bowels

the simple joys of maidenhood

the red-eyed fox is on the prowl

  [bad word] bands for arteries

these Indian seeds do soak like flees

reduce the use of salts and lose some weight

walk half an hour every day

 

I openly dislike your vagueness

in handling hours we appoint

but when you choose

your pronouns rightly

I do silently rejoice

 

Some are caused by downward pressure

so don't strain when opening bowels

the simple joys of maidenhood

the red-eyed fox is on the prowl

 

So listen closely girls and boys

this song is about haemorrhoids

Not anyone's but mine of course

a secret part I now disclose

 [bad word]  [bad word] soporaeternus