I was on my last warning from Mrs. Example
Clean up my act, stop being an [bad word] Didn't help my debacle
I'd just woken up from an all day, all night, filthy bar crawl

Something quite
(Bait)
About today's date I'd was hard to locate
I'd [bad word] too much Pernod
Took another swipe with my Mach 3 Turbo
Then it hit me like a raging inferno

I don't believe it I
Forgot her bloody birthday card
She wont be a happy gal
Forgot her bloody birthday card

She's gonna scream and yell
Forgot her bloody birthday card
She'll leave me man, she might as well
Forgot her bloody birthday card

I try to keep things relative
Never give headaches to myself if I can
But I can only think negative
Used to tell her [bad word] like I'd lost my pen
Now there's a chance I'll never see her face again

So I walk a fine line, but it's not the end
See I bought her a voucher for and M
She can get a new skirt and she'll look the part
And if it don't work, pour out my heart

Look, yeah, I'm going to [bad word] honest with you
You know I love you, you know I respect you
At the end of the day, a birthday card
It's just a piece of paper isn't it?

In an envelope
Yeah, I know a voucher is a piece of paper too
Yeah, but you can get a skirt with that
Well, you can get shoes then

Wait, nah, that's [bad word] I can't do that
Can't sound like a [bad word] (girly chat)

So I gotta make a dash for the petrol station
'Cause their cards are perfect for any occasion
I drop my razor and splash my
(Boat)
I grab some tracky-d's and a random coat

Then I'm on it with a wallet
And I hit the pavement [bad word] down the street
With my face half shaven

I'm getting stronger and stronger my legs are burning
There's still hope yet, just a couple of turn-in's
See the longer I wander, the more I scream
She gets here at 10 and it's quarter to

I don't believe it I
Forgot her bloody birthday card
She wont be a happy gal
Forgot her bloody birthday card

She's gonna scream and yell
Forgot her bloody birthday card
She'll leave me man, she might as well
Forgot her bloody birthday card

I get to the garage, panic scanning the rack
Ninety nine percent of the range is all [bad word] Happy Birthday Dad, Worlds Best Mother
I Love You Sister, You're a Special Brother

No other bloody card with a cover for a lover
Plus I'm getting kinda stressed as I search for another
But this one [bad word] me, it's pink and funky
With a cartoon print of a [bad word] monkey

There's a chance I'll make it, I'm nearly done
I hand him the coins and it's time [bad word] Now it's 5 minutes too and I'm nearly home
I feel a vibration and check my phone

The message reads, 'Honey, I'll be there shortly'
'I just got off the bus and I've started walking'
So like Kelly Holmes, I sprint the home straight
I rip my tracky-d's as I hurdle the gate

I crash through the door, I fall up the stairs
Looking like I've been in intensive care
The Biro's [bad word]  the pencil's broken
I grab a Magic Marker and write a token

Of my appreciation for her
And the things that make her so perfect [bad word]  there's the bell
I seal the envelope it should all be swell

Look, here she is, my Kiera Knightly
She gives me a kiss and I hug her tightly
She asks why I've only shaved half my face
And sweating like I've [bad word] first in some race

I got up extra early
To exercise and stretch my thighs
So I could see my special girly
She looks in my eyes and sees my lies

With a dubious face she accepts the card
She reads it, drops it and slaps me hard
I open it up and prepare for doom
The text in the card reads 'Get Wel