You watch me on your TV.
Say that my job is easy.
Say I am not athletic.
You think my sport's pathetic.

But you can't judge me 'till you've
walked a mile in my bowling shoes.

So I don't get all the ladies.
Got a mullet from the 80's
I am known throughout the valleys
As the prophet of alleys.

And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling god.
The smell of rosin gets my high.
Kiss those [bad word]  pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling... bowling... god.

Got a ball that's smooth and all black.
I keep it in my favorite ball-sac.
I get a feeling in my soul.
As I finger every hole.

And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling god.
The smell of rosin gets my high.
Kiss those mother [bad word]  pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling... bowling...

Not a single man will try, to beat almighty Malachi.
All who challenge me are [bad word] on, [bad word] pick a lane.
Marshall Home and Gary [bad word]  get in line for your [bad word] kickins'.
John Patracky and Norton Duke, your so lame it makes me puke.
Who amongst the pro-bowl sector.
Dares to don his wrist protector.
Not that [bad word] Nelson Burton, tells me that his wrist is hurtin'.
Hey Mark Walfey, Earl the Pearl, are ya' scared to give the ball a hurl?
How bout' [bad word] Webber and his son Pete? I'll turn the motha [bad word] to cream of wheat!

And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling god.
The smell of rosin gets my high.
Kiss those [bad word]  pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling... bowling god
Yeah, the bowling god