Cowboys and [bad word] lend your eyes and ears.
I've got the need to testify.
Don't try to fill your nest out in the open west
'cuz there's a million ways to die.

Six bullets in the gut or just a paper cut
Too many ways to quantify.
They'll cut your ankle off to cure a minor cough
'cuz there's a million ways to die. 
million ways to die

It's a hundred and one in the shade of the sun. 
If you fall asleep, you fry.
million ways to die
You can live like a saint but there just really ain't 
no avoiding a million ways to die. 

Smallpox and bigger pox, and deadly tomahawks
Or God forbid you steal a pie. 
They'll blast you into shards for bein' good at cards.
'cuz there's a million ways to die.

Out on the desert plains it hardly ever rains
and you can hear coyotes cry.
They'll eat you up and then they'll [bad word] you out again
'cuz there's a million ways to die.
million ways to die

With a whoosh and a whack there's a knife in your back 
'cuz you got a fancy tie...
million ways to die
It's a kick in the pants but you don't have a chance 
of escaping a million ways to die.
million ways to die