When the postman dont call on valentines day

And santa claus [bad word] on a christmas day

That umbrella wont work on a rainy day

Dont ask me, I already know

When they find you beached on the barrier reef

And the only pleasure treasured is in map relief

The choice is yours, sure, saint or thief

Dont ask me I already know

When they baked your cake in little slices,

Kept your eyes on rising prices,

Wound up winning booby prizes;

Im sure youd like to think you know what life is

Find destiny through magazines

Liplicking, unzipping

Harpers and queens

From here to eternity,

Without in-betweens,

Dont ask me, I already know

With your heart on parade and your heart on parole

I hope you find a sucker to buy that mink stole

School for scandal,

Guess whos enrolled? 

So ask me, I already know

When they find you beached on the barrier reef

When the postman dont call on valentines day

When the only pleasure treasured is in map relief

When you dont tell the [bad word]  thats the price you pay

When Im shaking a hand, Im clenching a fist

If you gave me a pound for the moments I missed

And I got dancing lessons for all the lips I shoulda kissed

Id be a millionaire

Id be a fred astaire