They don't believe in Santa Claus
The baseball bats are soft of course
The blood is just tomato sauce
As icebergs go, it's just the tip
The start of the apprenticeship
short, sharp Glasgow, kiss me quick
Karate chop and Kung fu kick
And in the wings the grannies wait
Doing things that grannies hate
Queuing to accumulate
pittance from the welfare state
Then back home on a forty four
Put the chain on, lock the door
Cross another five bar gate
Sit and wait
Don't open the door don't talk to strangers
You've not met before
Your guardian angel will watch over you
If your guardian angel has got nothing to do
In space no one can hear you scream
Because no one's really listening
Saint Peter's got his gates to clean
And God's too busy saving queens
To ever get down off the fence
And give the meek their inheritance
So it's [bad word] sense
To get yourself some self-defense
Don't open the door don't talk to strangers
You've not met before
Your guardian angel will watch over you
If your guardian angel has got nothing to do
Don't open the door don't talk to strangers
You've not met before
Your guardian angel will watch over you
If your guardian angel has got nothing to do
And so we leave this nursery rhyme
This grizzly [bad word] pantomime
From the cradle to a life of crime and back again
And now it's time to say goodbye
They don't believe in Santa Claus
The baseball bats are soft of course