Well the government's made a document
To help prevent embarrassment
And in the event of an accident
Catching us with our trousers down
It's no use to you when you're dead
Nor even when alive
And the name of this piece of paper is
Protect and survive

So when the [bad word] raining down
It's great to be alive, well
World War Three can be such fun
If you protect and survive
Protect and survive

Well a nuclear strike can be recognised
It would stand out in a crowd
There's a flash, then a bang, then a blast of heat
Then a bloody great mushroom cloud
So if you happen to see one at the end of your street
Would you please pick up the telephone
And inform your local police

So when the [bad word] raining down
It's great to be alive, well
World War Three can be such fun
If you protect and survive
Protect and survive

Put sticky tape on your windows
Block your ears and close your eyes
But it won't make a blind bit of difference
You won't have to watch yourself fry
If you find yourself in the target zone
And you haven't got a shelter
Take a spade into the garden
And dig like merry [bad word]  sir

So when the [bad word] raining down
It's great to be alive, well
World War Three can be such fun
If you protect and survive
Protect and survive

They've got strategic ICBM's
Both theatre and tactical
With independently targeted
Multiple re-entry vehicles
Backfire bombers, Polaris sub's, [bad word] missiles
And the boys who hang around the Pentagon
Can't wait to use these toys

So when the [bad word] raining down
It's great to be alive, well
World War Three can be such fun
If you protect and survive
Protect and survive

When Armageddon gets underway
And the [bad word] pouring down
All the bloody politicians who started it
Will scuttle off underground
And when they finally re-emerge
With no life to be found
They can administrate [bad word] 
And they can order each other around

So when the [bad word] raining down
It's great to be alive, well
World War Three can be such fun
If you protect and survive
Protect and survive

For they give us a four-minute warning
When the rockets are on their way
To give us time to panic and Christians time to pray
So when you hear the siren's going
Place your head between your thighs
Whilst maintaining this posture
You can make a final gesture
And with a little muscular pressure
You can kiss your [bad word] goodbye

So when the [bad word] raining down
It's great to be alive, well
World War Three can be such fun
If you protect and survive
Protect and survive
Protect and...