CORNY:
And now, live, from the certified up-to-code Baltimore Eventorium... for the first time ever on nationwide television... It's The Corny Collins Spectacular...

GIRLS:
He's Corny!!

CORNY:
...brought to you by Ultra Clutch Hairspray!

What gives a girl
Power and punch?
Is it charm, is it poise?
No, it's hairspray!

What gets a gal
Asked out to lunch
Is it brains, is it dough?
No, it's hairspray!

If you take a ride
With no can at your side
Then your flip will be gone
With the wind

But if you spray it and lock it,
You can take off in a rocket
And in outer space
Each hair will be in place

Why take a chance
When you get up and dance
If you twist, I insist
You use hairspray

And tell your mother
Her head she should smother
With «ultra-clutch» faithfully

So if you're a redhead,
blonde or [bad word] Just take my advice
And you might just get
The only thing better than hairspray

CORNY:
That's me!

Forget the milkman
The only thing better than hairspray

ENSEMBLE:
Hairspray! Wow!

CORNY:
That's me!

CORNY & ENSEMBLE:
What makes a man
Reach out and touch?
Ultra clutch!

So if you're a redhead,
blonde or [bad word] Just take my advice
And you might just get

CORNY:
The only thing better than hairspray
That's me!

GIRLS:
He's Corny Collins!

CORNY:
The only thing better than hairspray

ENSEMBLE:
Hairspray! Wow!

CORNY:
That's me!

Hey, baby, you look like you could use a stiff one!