I can break your heart with a work of art.
And a song that's quiet and small.
But we're back where we began it all. Radio City Music Hall.

So tonight we might go bigger.
That right, it's bigger.
It's Broadway's greatest night, and we're rarin' to go.
Let's make it bigger.
Tonight it's bigger.
Who will take home a Tony statue?
We don't know!
I guarantee a [bad word] legendary show.

This season's new [bad word] include the cast of Kinky Boots.
You see, they're beautiful and buff as Navy Seals.
And you could bounce a quarter off the [bad word] of Billy Porter.
Lord he does eight shows a week in eight inch heels.
Hats off to Berry Gordy.
 [bad word] Motown like a boss.
He dominates Top Forty and he banged Diana Ross!
He wrote his own libretto which is really kinda ballin'.
He took every Motown classic and he said "Ah, put 'em all in."
Make it bigger.
That's right, it's bigger.
I just learned this dance like half an hour ago.
We're going bigger.
Like so much bigger.
You ever seen so many divas in a row?
Well stick with me, cause your emcee's a seasoned pro.

It's Pippin! Never slippin', always flippin'
As he's pinin' for his corner of the sky.
But the sky is over crowded with his oh-so-highly-touted cast of singing circus people flying by.
The cast of Bring It On hadcount 'em thirty two debuts.
Hey kids, [bad word] to Broadway, don't forget your union dues.
In tandem like we planned 'em.
Forgive me if it's random.
Mike Tyson had a one man show.
Let's give the man a hand and make things bigger.

That's right it's bigger.
I'm here with Iron Mike.
He's heavy weight yo.
Let's make it bigger.
Tonight it's bigger.
Hey we've got cheerleaders, contortionists, and so go find a sports bar change the channel to our show.

The famous four Matildas stole the show
And nearly killed us so they got a special Tony of their own,
Which strikes at the achilles of the jaded former Billys.
They win Tonys but get fired when they're grown.
Now here's the kids from Christmas Story, Annie and her orphans
So many child actors high on Red Bull and endorphins.
They [bad word] up to your knees.
But God they're singing like MVPs.
And they're the reason this whole season seems to look like Chuck. E. Cheese and jeez it's bigger.

That's right it's bigger.
Is there a Tony Daycare where all of you go?
You're getting bigger.
Tonight it's bigger.
So do your parents set aside your Broadway dough?
When I played Doogie, never mind on with the show.

Oh! Broadway's where famous people go.
Though being famous doesn't mean that you will get a good review so Alec, write Ben Brantley if you want that's entertaining too.
We've got magic to do!

Bigger.
That's right it's bigger.
I'm walkin' down the aisle with some Newsies in tow.
This show is bigger.
Tonight it's bigger.
If there's a Newsie you prefer, you let me know you'll get a Newsie in your gift bag when you go!

"Can I have my Tom Hooper 'Les Miz' closeup please? See, on Broadway we don't need extreme closeups to prove we're singing live. We sing live eight shows a week. Check it!"

At the end of the day we are gathered together to honor the best and the brightest.
And tomorrow the fashion police will report on your dress and who wore it the tightest.
If you win, have the time of your life.
Tell your manager, dad, and your mom, "Thanks."
Say hi to your kids and your husband or wife.
Maybe just for the [bad word] of it, Tom Hanks!
Nothing is bigger and better than seeing a veteran get an ovation or seeing a brilliant beginner freak out on a win for their first nomination.
There's a kid in the middle of nowhere sitting there, living for Tony performances singin' and flippin' along with the Pippins and Wickeds and Kinkys, Matildas and Mormonses.
So we might reassure that kid and do something to spur that kid.
Cause I promise you all of us up here tonight.
We were that kid and now we're bigger.

Tonight it's bigger.
So let's create the biggest spectacle we know! [bad word] see the super y Cinderella sisters celebrating.
Ladies grab a fella, the tempo is accelerating.
Newsies, Pippin, Motown, Phantom, Kinky, Rock of Ages, Chicago, Bring it On, Christmas Story sharing stages.
Mamma Mia, Lion King, The Jersey Boys are tappin'
Kathie Lee's a Broadway lyricist so anything can happen.

Bigger!
New York is bigger!
So [bad word] to our bigger better bigger better
Best of Broadway Tony Show!