We fell in love down at the pier
You were sunbathing, I was around
Soon we were sharing a beer
We fell in love at the pier
I'm no sentimental slob so don't think I'm [bad word] 
You got something baby and it ain't just my beer
Well, maybe it's the hot pants, maybe the heat
Or was it the sneakers you kicked of your feet?

I sat under my umbrella to keep my pearly skin
You tanned your oily body looking like sin
Well, soon I was sweating and I wanted to leave
You slipped into the water from too much grease

Well, I saw you yelling. I just couldn't hear
So I screamed back at you "Honey keep the beer!"
We never consummated our outside love affair
Too much tar and water, too much hot air

Oh, what a tragic end to love that was lost
We would have stood a chance if we met in the frost, but
We fell in love down at pier
You were sunbathing, I was around
Now I go to beaches with my girlfriend
No more love splinters in my rear end