Once I saw the galaxies in your Jack and Coke eyes,
And the sacrificial temple where your monster always dies.
Once I wrote a gospel out of every word you say,
And now you're on the front page of the USA Today.
Cutting to the front of the line I find my mind
Is no place to raise a family.
And I was looking all over for you, baby.
You were always right in front of me.
And tonight I'm declaring your love to be a waste of time and money.

Once I raised alpacas with your pet Komodo dragon,
While I was eating cardboard in my father's station wagon.
Once I sold everything I owned to buy you a diamond ring,
And now you're over at CNN sitting down with Larry King.
After 5 bottles of wine my friends opine that I should consider therapy,
But they've clearly never been with you, baby,
They don't know about the things that you've told me,
And tonight I am declaring my life is a joke no longer funny.

All publicity is good publicity
When you sell your conscience in this city
Achieving high elasticity
Shock resistant with electricity