- JUDGE TURPIN: “Mr. Todd?”
- TODD: “At your service... An honour to receive your patronage, my lord.”
- JUDGE TURPIN: “Do you know me, sir?”
- TODD: “Who in this wide world does not know the great Judge Turpin? And what may I do for you today, sir? stylish trimming of the hair? soothing skin massage? Sit, sir, sit.”

- JUDGE TURPIN:
You see, sir, a man infatuate with love
Her ardent and eager slave
So fetch the pomade and pumice stone
And lend a more seductive tone
sprinkling perhaps of French cologne
But first, sir, I think-- a shave

[spoken:]
- TODD: The closest I ever gave
- JUDGE TURPIN: “You're in a merry mood today, Mr. Todd.”

- TODD:
‘Tis your delight, sir, catching fire
From one man to the next

- JUDGE TURPIN:
‘Tis [bad word]  sir, love can still inspire
The blood to pound, the heart leap higher
What more--
- TODD: What more
- BOTH: Can man require
- JUDGE TURPIN: Than love, sir?
- TODD: More than love, sir
- JUDGE TURPIN: What, sir?
- TODD: Women
- JUDGE TURPIN: Ah, yes - women
- TODD: Pretty women
- JUDGE TURPIN: Bom-bom-bom-bom-bom-bom-bom-bom
Bom-bom-bom-bom-bom-bom-bom-bom

- TODD:
Now then, my friend
Now to your purpose
Patience - enjoy it
Revenge can't be taken in haste

- JUDGE TURPIN: Make haste, and if we wed, you'll [bad word]  sir

- TODD:
My lord…
And who, may it be said is your intended, sir?

- JUDGE TURPIN: My ward. “And pretty as a rosebud.”

[spoken:]
- TODD: “Pretty as her mother?”
- JUDGE TURPIN: “What? What was that?”

- TODD:
“Nothing, sir. Nothing.”
Pretty women
Fascinating
Sipping coffee
Dancing
Pretty women
Are a wonder
Pretty women

Sitting in the window
Or - standing on the stair
Something in them cheers the air
Pretty women

- JUDGE TURPIN: Silhouetted
- TODD: Stay within you
- JUDGE TURPIN: Glancing
- TODD: Stay forever
- JUDGE TURPIN: Breathing lightly
- TODD: Pretty women
BOTH: Pretty women
- TODD: Blowing out their…
- JUDGE TURPIN: Blowing out their
BOTH: Candles
- TODD: Or [bad word] out their…
- JUDGE [bad word] out their
BOTH: Hair
- JUDGE TURPIN: Then they leave--
- TODD: Even when they leave…

- JUDGE TURPIN:
Even when they leave you and vanish
They somehow can still remain
There with you
There with you

- TODD:
They still
Are there
They're there

BOTH:Ah, pretty women

- TODD: At their mirrors
- JUDGE TURPIN: In their gardens
- TODD: Letter-writing
- JUDGE TURPIN: Flower-picking
- TODD: Weather-watching
BOTH:
How they make a man sing!
Proof of heaven
As you're living
Pretty women, sir!
Pretty women, yes!
Pretty women, sir!

- TODD:
Pretty women, here's to
Pretty women, all the
Pretty women...