[bad word] twopnd

I don't know how, but I'l learn to love the things around me. 
And accept that life isn't as bad as I make it out to be. 
I'll [bad word]  But who am i kidding? 
I'd have nothing left to say. 

I'm beginning to dread the moment I leave my bed. 
It all just feels the same. 
Day after day it all seems to blend. I'm wasting away, I'm wasting away. 
I never thought I'd be okay with settling. 
I never thought I'd be okay with just being okay. 

I'm just a ghost in this room, clinging to the walls. 
Filling my hands, doing all that i can to avoid holding a conversation with you. 

I [bad word] in being [bad word] with my life.