All throughout my life I've felt something very peculiar
That I couldn't quite put my finger on
There was a hunch that was growing on my spine
Up to my brain, up inside.
And I knew one day some day I'd figure out just what it was, just what it was
You see my problem is that I'm in a deep love with my sadness
And the way it dances, and the way it dances, and the way it dances
They say inside of therapy that if we drown ourselves in misery, that it might
Just be time to get out.
So they give us pills and prescriptive addictions to itch out our dirty afflictions
For it I would die a million deaths.
For it I would give a million breathes.
For it I would sell the meat of my skin.
To the sharks of the deep dark ocean.

It's on nights like these, that I drive with no destination
And no hesitation, I could cliff it with no resignation
I remember a time when there was acid in my mouth
And my mother would hold me
Her red nails curling, I thought how she loved me, what safety.
But there is something that happens, all stillness up towards me
Lodging dynamite, and a fire, that was twinkling
No breath in the mourning.
I've watched every bee pass with no pollination, I don't want them
I'm careful, unstable, disabled, enabled
She is fluxing in gold, she is world domination,
Her hand is my savior,
she takes me through angels
The bright light will find you when you least expect it
Suck you up into the vortex of where the [bad word] am I, expect it
For it I would die a million deaths.
For it I would give a million breathes.
For it I would sell the meat of my skin.
To the sharks of the deep dark ocean.

I am old already with a youthful gaze that seems foolish
He who is a fool knows not, yes, I am foolish.
But wherever the wind goes may it blow me back to her.
To my mother of shadows, when noone was listening.

I heard every word that she never was saying.