Everyone [bad word] has a big, red shiny nose
And [bad word] to town every December when it snows
But did you know that those two never really got along?
I bet youve never heard this Christmas song...

Ive paid my dues for years and years, Im Santas very favorite deer, so I should be the second [bad word] at Christmastime, [bad word] Pull the sleigh where Santa goes and light the night with my red nose, I think its time for me to get whats mine

Night lights are replaceable--a talking snowmans magical; my agent says I need a bigger piece of Santas pie says Frosty
I bring children real joy, not just the latest stupid toy, I think its time for me to get whats mine
 [bad word] rang his reindeer bells
Turned and sang with all the elves

Hey Hey Hey
Santas on his way
You'd better stop that bickering before its Christmas day
Ho Ho Ho
Egg nog and mistletoe
And Santas gonna take a torch and melt you to the floor

Frosty, youve got coal for eyes, when things get hot you wont survive, so get out of my way, this job is mine all mine (now snowman step aside), [bad word] Rudolph, man, your claim to fames a lightbulb and a funny name, and everybody knows Im next in line [bad word] with your nose so bright
Wont you kiss my corn cob pipe

Hey Hey Hey
Santas on his way
You'd better stop that bickering before its Christmas day
Ho Ho Ho
Egg nog and mistletoe
And Santas gonna mount you in his living room for show
 [bad word] 
What?
I wrote a song about you!
Oh boy...

You wanna hear it? Here it go! [bad word] the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And when ol St. Nick saw it
He thought it would look really good mounted on his wall

Oh you think thats funny? Well check this out:

Frosty the Snowman
Was a puddle on the ground
And a makeshift scoop for the reindeer [bad word] Is the best use for his magic hat Ive found

With a nod of his [bad word] took to the sky, and swooping down, he gouged at Frosty with an antler to the eye
But Frosty [bad word] right back and grabbed his bright red nose, and turned it right into a popcicle [bad word] whole head froze [bad word] broke the ice, shook his antlers twice, and raced back in to strike again
But then a Ho Ho Ho! came booming from the sky, the echoed voice of you-know-who

With the cookies and milk and a bowlful of jelly in his belly
And a dash through the sky, and a twinkle in his eye, St. Nick
With a bag full of toys for the good girls and boys on his shoulder
And a Ho Ho Ho! and a Look out below! St. Nick

With the cookies and milk and a bowlful of jelly in his belly
And a dash through the sky, and a twinkle in his eye, St. Nick
With a bag full of toys for the good girls and boys on his shoulder
And a reindeer call and a Dash away all! St. Nick

You two ougtta be ashamed, youve sullied Santas perfect name, this operation would go down the drain if I retired, says Santa
Neither of you gets the job, so go and join the Grinchs mob, and Merry Christmas both of you, youre fired!

Then Santa broke into a smile
Said, Everyone else stay awhile!

Hey Hey Hey
Santas here today
And now its time for Christmas dinner, everyone awaits
Ho Ho Ho
Everythings alright
Cause Mrs. Claus has whipped us up a Christmas feast tonight

Hey Hey Hey
Santas here today
And now its time for Christmas dinner, everyone awaits
Ho Ho Ho
Everythings alright
Cause Santas having venison and snow ice cream tonight