Well, Ali Baba had them forty thieves
Sheherazadie had a thousand tales
But, master, you in luck 'cause up your sleeves
You got a brand of magic never fails
You got some power in your corner now
Some heavy ammunition in your camp
You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo, and how
See, all you gotta do [bad word] that lamp
And I'll say

Mister Aladdin, sir
What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order
Jot it down
You ain't never had a friend like me

Life is your restaurant
And I'm your maitre d'
C'mon, whisper what it is you want
You ain't never had a friend like me.

Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service
You're the boss
The king, the shah
Say what you wish
It's yours! [bad word] dish
How about a little more baklava?

Try some of column "A"
Try all of column "B"
I'm in the mood to help you, dude
You ain't never had a friend like me

Can your friends do this?
Do your friends do that?
Do your friends pull this out their little hat?
Can your friends go poof?
Well, looky here
Can your friends go, abracadabra, let'er rip
And then make the sucker disappear?

So don't you sit there slack-jawed, buggy-eyed
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers
You got me bona fide, certified
You got a genie for your charge d'affaires
I got a powerful urge to help you out
So whatcha wish? I really want to know
You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt
So all you gotta do [bad word] like so - and oh!

Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three
I'm on the job, you big nabob
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend like me
You ain't never had a friend like me