HILLARY
Hi, Hillary here, Woman up
Been in power for many a year
Spent a decade or three in political spheres
You say I'm just first lady, you're killin me here

Strolling up to the Whitehouse, I never forget
The smell of carpe diem carpet bombs and ceiling the debt
Back when I operated Bill like a marionett
Sporting Gepetto stilettos taking on ghettos and terror threats

Then real boy toyed with the wrong [bad word] 
Pinocchioing poking around to get his wood wet
Still eight [bad word]  didn't break a sweat
Left with my head on my shoulders, I'm no Marie Antoinette

My speed is breakneck, take checks, won't apologize for the upset
Didn’t die with my man, this ain’t no Romeo, Juliet
Mama’s back for the votes, just call me suffragette
Forget Bill, I'm an à la carte oligarch and I'm [bad word] it

Hi, Clinton is back, Suit up
In a pants suit and on the attack, [bad word] up
Protecting people from here to Iraq
Gonna pick up that torch from Barack

You can sing hallelujah, but I'm too much to Handel
Forget Shonda Rhymes, I invented the Scandal
Benghazi [bad word] [bad word] and stir up another fuss
Call TIME magazine, I'm the queen of the cover ups
Gonna kick [bad word] and take blames, Upper class, I'll take aim
Put Bernie in an urn and fight the fanboy fanned flames

I'm hyper activist, The lion, elephant's nemesis
An emotional strategist, black mamba, I'm venomous
Wrathful warrior pacifist, channel Yahweh in Genesis
I'm the gaudiest godliest godless minimal feminist
I'm HRC, New election, new me
All hail the female in 2016

 [bad word] 
So we're supposed to elect you just because you're a woman
You're less likable than [bad word]  and he looks like a melting snowman
Such excitement for indictment, this email thing's a bad omen
Getting cold, [bad word] to Putin before you get Snowden

Don't be alarmed, it's just me, the real Donald [bad word] 
I'm here to smear to give your ladies and your ratings a bump
You pumped? I'm the buyer's choice to make America great again
Mission's simple: give permission to let Americans hate again

Speaking of which, Obama’s a Muslim, talk about foreign aid
Where was he born? Africa? I popped out in suede
And hey, when life gave me millions, I made billionaide
Best served on ice with a plate of Barack O'BBQ in the shade

Took my casino earnings, brought some cash to the party
Just spent a weekend at Bernie's, now we're crashing the parties
Poaching establishment voters on a Ferrari safari
Talkin a big game sipping on some fascist Bacardi

Jk, I don't drink, I have self control
Unless you're not-white, Rosie O'Donnel, or an internet troll

Blew up Republican politics like the law was Sharia
Made Chris Christie my [bad word] 
Turned Carson into Madea
Ted held hands with Fiorina while my fans filled arenas
Poor [bad word] abused [bad word]  I stole his role in God's Not Dead 3-uh

Bernie, baby, take notes from a [bad word] inside outsider
You're a dumbfounded dumb founder of a movement that floundered
Your camp can riot at my rallies but don't show up to fight
Things get messy when teens start exercising their rights

BERNIE
So you're worth millions, well I'm a meme, that's my net worth
I'm set, working the net, go on and keep your networks
I'm gonna polarize ya, pulverize ya, separate the [bad word] from lies
Can't stop the young people, Bernie's gonna youthenize ya

I'm new and old fashioned, hi, I'm Bernie Sanders
I came from the streets of Brooklyn to be your [bad word] 
I meander gerrymandering and slander from a witch
Which, by the by, is why I pitched a campaign for the no-rich niche
Funded by Americans, Bernie's super packless
No [bad word]  no greed
I'm like a shamwow, no mess

Hit the campaign trail with black sails
Eff the police I'm freeing the black males
Stall white collar low ballers from tipping cash to tip the scales
Gonna fill the jails with laymen, Hope their souls are worth the savings
Misbehave in the Caymens,
 [bad word]  you’re gonna go to [bad word] for your havens, oh boy
Hey Satan, is this seat taken? America's gotta white-collar cravin
I'm the second most popular socialist Jew gettin praised in this nation

If ya got a couple millions, you'll be revolushunned
I got 99 problems, but my percent ain't 1